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Stages of Grief

There are said to be stages that one goes through in grief. Denial and shock are almost always mentioned. I think I have reached the denial/shock stage. When all our family were gathered around, it was quite obvious that things were not normal. I was sobbing every day. However, as everyone left, and we resumed some "normal," day to day activities, i find that I am functioning without feeling overwhelming sorrow. I feel numb, slowed and tired, and that is all. I say the words that W has died (I HATE the word 'gone,' as if he were on a trip), but it still seems unreal. Scientists say that this is the body's way of protecting someone in deep grief in order to let them come to terms with it slowly. I don't know if I like this or not, but I'm not sure what I can do about it.

I want to write about my memories and stories of W, but I can't gear myself up to do that yet.

Last night, we went to an Irish pub and heard the Corsairs sing. They were nice enough to sing Sailor's Prayer at our request. (We had played this song at W's funeral). Somehow, B and I managed to hear it without crying. They were a great group and we had a good time.

Today is Father's Day. We gave B a present earlier so that this day would not be quite so hard. He has decided he wants to start attending church. He has not wanted to be a part of a church in over 20 years. The youth choir is performing Godspell today, and I hope he does not get too upset.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
gurdonark
Jun. 20th, 2004 07:03 am (UTC)
I know it is hard, each day. It's good that the body supplies some kind of natural anesthetic for these times.

We had a lot of fun last night. Y'all are completely our faves.

lonestarslp
Jun. 20th, 2004 12:09 pm (UTC)
No, y'all are OUR faves! :) Thanks for being there last night.
daisydumont
Jun. 20th, 2004 07:42 am (UTC)
when my mother died of brain cancer, two years ago in early july, i felt peculiarly calm. the gathering after her memorial service was wonderfully warm, with people there i hadn't seen in 20 years or more. i couldn't understand why i didn't cry at the service or any more that day. my grief leaked out slowly, in following months, when i would lie down to nap and begin to cry. the act of lying down in daylight brought back bodily the memory of the trips back and forth to indiana while she was sick and then after she died. (in exhaustion, i'd lain in motel rooms in the twilight, just thinking.) i think now that my body was in fact protecting me, but the grieving did get done.

when you feel ready to write the stories and memories, i will be honored to read them.
lonestarslp
Jun. 20th, 2004 12:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks. It does seem to be 'leaking out' in little bits. But I know it will take a long time.
artmomz
Jun. 20th, 2004 10:31 am (UTC)
Hugs to you guys...I know this has to be a hard day...

I found myself talking about my MIL the other day like she was still around. (She died April 16th.) I didn't want to tell the nurse I was talking to that my MIL is 'gone'. I couldn't bring myself to do it...but part of me feels that she is still alive somewhere, just not here. So that's probably why I acted that way.
lonestarslp
Jun. 20th, 2004 12:07 pm (UTC)
Yes the memories are so vivid that he just seems to be away somehow. Thanks for the hugs.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )