June 28th, 2004

animated lone

Same old (electric) Broom, New Room

I hired an organizer to help me re-do the front room of my house, since I wanted to make it into a home office where I could access all my therapy materials instead of just having a room stuffed with them. We started working together before W died, and I decided to keep going since working seems to help. After three four-hour sessions together, we have everything macro-sorted and all the furniture re-arranged and/or purchased. One more session and it should be done. I'll have to post pictures (if I can find my camera). Also my Paint Shop Pro has died for some reason, so I'll have to get that fixed.

Even thought the room is not finished, I feel so much better about it. I can actually sit down and think in it now.

I hope to have the organizer help me with my entire house. I would especially like her help in redoing W's room. She is good at helping you sort through your emotions toward items so that you can decide whether to keep it or give it away.

I started thinking about the memory books that I want to do as well. But I have to finish the dang thank you notes first.
animated lone

Just another bipolar Monday

This morning, I cried some more in the car. It's weird, but this was important to me. I hate feeling numb, which is how I feel most of the time. I started reading another What to Do When Your Kid Dies book. Even though I am making fun, I do like reading these books.

Went to B and N and got two new CDs (Delovely soundtrack and Nora Jones--Come away with me).

Actually got some more thank you notes done before lunch.

B spent the morning writing a poem about W's death. I'll reprint it below. He showed up at lunch with red eyes. God, I wish I could take this away for him.

Went to work and had lunch there about one, even though I didn't have a patient scheduled until 3. Took more stuff to work. I enjoy sharing my stuff, so that was nice. As I walked in, a mother saw me. I haven't picked up her kid yet. I guess that was the last straw for her, because she started griping out the therapist who was taking my patients because she couldn't eat in the waiting room. One of the partners came out to calm her down, and she complained about: her bill, the schedule, the fact that she has to be at our office for one and a half hours (she has two kids in speech), and that I wasn't seeing her kid yet even though I was there.

The partner explained that I am only taking on a few patients at a time now until I can work back up to a full schedule. Then the mom talked about how hard her life was because they had just moved into a new really big house. I had planned to not take this kid back until last because this mom is so high maintenance. But I may need to take him back sooner. Bleh.

After dinner, B and I took fresh flowers to W's grave. Until the headstone comes in (4 to 6 weeks more), this is the way we can tell where his grave is. We decided we should come by every week to check on it.

I talked to A tonight over IM. He mentioned that he cried a little today about "u no what." I was so touched that he shared that with me. I reassured him that his dad and I had cried, too. He seems to be having fun, but he's missing us more than usual. Of course, I am missing him more than usual.

So goodnight, and you can read the poem if you click Collapse )