July 31st, 2004

animated lone

(no subject)

Yesterday in the mail I received a collection of statements that various staff members had made about the day of W's death. I had not even known the names of most of these people, so I had asked someone to send them to me. I read them right after my previous crying jag, and they started another one that was much worse. I finally had B come and sit with me for a while until I could calm down a little. I guess the numbness is really wearing off.

I am very glad I did get the information, though. When I am stronger, I will read them again. I just hope that all of these people know that we appreciate what they did for W and that they did their best. There was nothing more they could have done. B says it is not our job to comfort them, yet I know it must be hard for them to be involved in a student's death.

I dreamed of W last night. Our whole family was in a bookstore, and he was standing right next to me, giving me an opinion of a book. I could feel him and see him clearly, yet I knew he was dead, and I wondered if other people thought I was weird for speaking to him.