December 10th, 2004

animated lone

Six Months

It has been six months now since W died, and I just haven't felt like writing about it. Until now. I guess it's a milestone that we have made it this far and we are still here with no major crack-ups. We have changed, though.

A has become more irritable, although he continues to perform well in school. He spends less time with friends. He also seems to enjoy teasing us more, as if he misses the outlet he had of fighting with his brother. B has become sadder and more sensitive.

I have been more outgoing in the past six months than in the last fifteen years before them. I have been in contact with more people, participated in more activities, and spent less time alone. My numbness has faded, and rawness has replaced it. I feel vulnerable and exposed to the world with few defenses. I also seem to spend much more time in reflection, and have been having trouble getting places on time or even caring if I am on time. I have unusual memory gaps, forgetting silly things. I called the three French hens the three red hens. I have different relationships with people now. I don't care as much about what people think.

Our lives are truly forever changed.