Ann (lonestarslp) wrote,

Stages of Grief

There are said to be stages that one goes through in grief. Denial and shock are almost always mentioned. I think I have reached the denial/shock stage. When all our family were gathered around, it was quite obvious that things were not normal. I was sobbing every day. However, as everyone left, and we resumed some "normal," day to day activities, i find that I am functioning without feeling overwhelming sorrow. I feel numb, slowed and tired, and that is all. I say the words that W has died (I HATE the word 'gone,' as if he were on a trip), but it still seems unreal. Scientists say that this is the body's way of protecting someone in deep grief in order to let them come to terms with it slowly. I don't know if I like this or not, but I'm not sure what I can do about it.

I want to write about my memories and stories of W, but I can't gear myself up to do that yet.

Last night, we went to an Irish pub and heard the Corsairs sing. They were nice enough to sing Sailor's Prayer at our request. (We had played this song at W's funeral). Somehow, B and I managed to hear it without crying. They were a great group and we had a good time.

Today is Father's Day. We gave B a present earlier so that this day would not be quite so hard. He has decided he wants to start attending church. He has not wanted to be a part of a church in over 20 years. The youth choir is performing Godspell today, and I hope he does not get too upset.

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