Ann (lonestarslp) wrote,

Just another bipolar Monday

This morning, I cried some more in the car. It's weird, but this was important to me. I hate feeling numb, which is how I feel most of the time. I started reading another What to Do When Your Kid Dies book. Even though I am making fun, I do like reading these books.

Went to B and N and got two new CDs (Delovely soundtrack and Nora Jones--Come away with me).

Actually got some more thank you notes done before lunch.

B spent the morning writing a poem about W's death. I'll reprint it below. He showed up at lunch with red eyes. God, I wish I could take this away for him.

Went to work and had lunch there about one, even though I didn't have a patient scheduled until 3. Took more stuff to work. I enjoy sharing my stuff, so that was nice. As I walked in, a mother saw me. I haven't picked up her kid yet. I guess that was the last straw for her, because she started griping out the therapist who was taking my patients because she couldn't eat in the waiting room. One of the partners came out to calm her down, and she complained about: her bill, the schedule, the fact that she has to be at our office for one and a half hours (she has two kids in speech), and that I wasn't seeing her kid yet even though I was there.

The partner explained that I am only taking on a few patients at a time now until I can work back up to a full schedule. Then the mom talked about how hard her life was because they had just moved into a new really big house. I had planned to not take this kid back until last because this mom is so high maintenance. But I may need to take him back sooner. Bleh.

After dinner, B and I took fresh flowers to W's grave. Until the headstone comes in (4 to 6 weeks more), this is the way we can tell where his grave is. We decided we should come by every week to check on it.

I talked to A tonight over IM. He mentioned that he cried a little today about "u no what." I was so touched that he shared that with me. I reassured him that his dad and I had cried, too. He seems to be having fun, but he's missing us more than usual. Of course, I am missing him more than usual.

So goodnight, and you can read the poem if you click .

Requiem for my Son Will
Copyright Bruce Nunnally June 28, 2004 All Rights Reserved

I have two sons, but one of them is dead
Seems yesterday he was born, I held him in my hand
Sixteen years of images visit me, too short to understand
His texture so complicated, as he developed and defined
His heart has stopped its struggle, dear to we here left behind

I have two sons, but one of them is dead
I lost a friend who shared my loves, my victories and pain
Accepted hugs and advice, then sang a discordant refrain
Treasured moments together, talking, driving, late night game
I have two sons I love, but my heart longs for one quenched flame

I have two sons, but one of them is dead
We gather now his work and thoughts and hold them close and dear
And bless him that he left so much to make his life struggles clear
We buried his body, he finished this life, but his spirit burns still
He did his best, our love continues, a caring separation cannot chill

I have two sons, but one of them is dead.

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