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So it has been eight months now since I saw my dear son alive. I still seem to be riding a roller coaster of numbness and pain. Although it's a gentler coaster now, like one of those rides on the kiddie side of the park. I am so tired of being sad, of talking about being sad, and of having sad stories to tell. Don't know what else to do, though. It won't get any better anytime soon, since B's mom is so very sick. Also, I still miss W so very much, and I don't really want to get over missing him. I want him to be missed forever.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 10th, 2005 02:01 am (UTC)
Funny, I felt that way today too....I was at an AA meeting earlier and mentioned that my mama died in September, sometimes saying it like that is hearing the worst of it for the first time all over again.
God Bless
Feb. 10th, 2005 04:03 am (UTC)
Yes, saying it makes it more real. I scared my hairdresser to death the other day by mentioning it. I forgot that other people can be shocked by it still.
Feb. 10th, 2005 03:15 am (UTC)
My mom died 8 years ago next week, and this time of the year is always hard, but with Shay's diagnosis - lets just say that I'm not in a good place, emotionally.

I am so sorry for your loss. I want to say I can't imagine what it must be like, to lose a child, but I can imagine it. That's all I do, anymore. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

I'm so sorry.
Feb. 10th, 2005 03:51 am (UTC)
I just hope it doesn't happen to you, that Shay gets a remission.
Feb. 10th, 2005 03:37 am (UTC)
I know he will be missed forever. It's not easy. I never want to stop missing my husband either. I'm encouraged by your efforts to keep his memory alive.

Feb. 10th, 2005 03:57 am (UTC)
...and you don't have to...
Feb. 10th, 2005 03:59 am (UTC)
...get over him, that is...
Feb. 10th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
Well, exactly.

It took me TWO YEARS to begin to accept that Greg was not coming back and that nothing I could do, say, scream or pray would make it so.

The gentlest part of mourning is when we pay tribute to the space the dead have left. I can't imagine losing a child, but I am acquainted with grief. It becomes a kinder companion over time.

As for sadness? Bring it on. I'll listen, truly. You gotta right.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )